You’ve just been dumped, what now?

Moving on from a breakup can be hard whether you were dating someone for three months, or three years. Also, everyone copes with them in different ways. Is there really a right way to deal with a break up? Yes, there is. Now yes, after a breakup you will feel heart broken, as if the rock holding your life together is now gone.  You may feel completely empty, but that will pass. You may feel lonely, and may have estranged from your friends a bit, but that too will pass. You’re just going through the natural phases of a break up, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of or worry about.

Courtesy of Jeannette E. Spaghetti’s Flickr profile.

To help you through the transition from “in a relationship” to “single,” there is a step by step process that has been proven quite useful  helping people get over breakups. First step and possibly the most important, when you’re analyzing the entire relationship, break up, and everything that happened in between, don’t obsess over it. All it will do is bring you pain and depression. Second step, reconnect with all of your friends, and keep yourself as busy as possible. Sitting in your house alone all day will only cause you to rethink your decision and that’s definitely not what you need. Step three, you’re going to go through the “hate phase” where you want to burn everything he/ she every gave you, delete his phone number, and run him over with your car. Don’t do that. Nothing good will come from that and it won’t make you feel any better. Instead, go for a run, go for a hike, go shopping with your friends; the main thing is to keep yourself busy. Step four, DO NOT CALL OR TEXT THEM. You’re going to want to text them and tell them how much you miss them and how much your life sucks without them, but you will just be making a fool out of yourself. Leave it alone, what happened happened and it happened for a reason. Step four, if you’re having a bit more trouble then usual getting over your ex, sit down and make a list as to why he/she was no good for you, and all of the reasons why you deserve better. Once you’re finished, hang it up somewhere you can see it every day. This is a good reminder to look at as you start your day. And step five, although you may be afraid of getting hurt, there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself back out there. Yes, you may not be looking for a relationship, but where does it say that just meeting new people and new friends is bad? Sometimes a new person entering your life, whether a friend or more, is just the breath of fresh air you need.

These are definitely not the only steps to getting over a breakup, and yes, they may or may not work for you, but if you follow them, hopefully your breakup will be a bit smoother and easier for you. Now these are obviously not the only things you can do to get over a breakup, check out this link to read about a couple other steps to get over a break up successfully.

Now if after reading those steps you still don’t feel as though you’ve been able to move on from your break up easier, check out this video to get another opinion on how to successfully get over a breakup.

Between all of these steps that have been shared with you today, moving on from your breakup will hopefully come just a little bit easier for you to do.

Ignoring perfection and choosing poison.

Even if perfection is right in front of you, why do you tend to go for what’s not good for you? This question has been asked so many times it shouldn’t be allowed to be asked any more. The whole term, “nice guys finish last” is clearly far from being true. Everyday you will hear men whining about  how they will never get the girl because they’re too nice, or they’re too good to her, or they’re stuck in the friend zone. They see their dream girl walking hand in hand with a tattooed, saggy panted, up to no good, trouble maker, and they’re only excuse is that it’s because they’re the nice guy, and nice guys never win. Honestly, that has absolutely nothing to do with it. Your dream girl is with another guy because you’re too busy whining about it instead of fighting to make her yours.

Courtesy of LZ Creation’s Flickr profile.

It’s all about communication. You’re stuck in the friend zone, but have you made an effort to move forward to the next level? The “nice guys” are usually the ones who are too afraid to express their feelings and leave everything out on the table. Now granted, this is not always the situation. Yes there are many times where the “nice guy” just has no chance with a girl… but honestly that has nothing to do with how nice you are. Maybe she’s just not that into you, or at least not that into you at this point in her life. Every girl goes through her “bad boy phase,” and to get through that phase, they have to be with a few losers for a little while to realize that they deserve better. This isn’t entirely a choice either, checkout this link to read about how scientifically, women will specifically pick sexier men over obviously more dependable men.

Although, the “bad boy” phase will go away. When woman are younger, they are attracted to danger, adventure, excitement, but most importantly, they are attracted to what they feel they can “fix” and “change.” Sadly, these men will never change, and these men will do nothing but disappoint you. Sooner or later, women will eventually realize that although being with those men may be fun and exhilarating, they are not the type of man to provide as a husband, and raise a family. They type of man a women wants to marry are the dependable, respectable men who will treat them right and be consistent. And these feelings do develop as a woman grows up. It’s called maturing.

Here is an interesting article explaining how it is possible to train yourself to be attracted to a what’s good for you.

To prove that these words you’re reading are not false information, a few people around the Phoenix area were asked about what type of attraction they had towards the opposite sex. Jordyn Thompson, a sophomore at ASU, said that she was very attracted to the “bad boy” type when she was in high school, “but once I went through my fair share of bad boys, heart break, and disappointment, I realized that my perfect man had been in front of my eyes the entire time; my best friend Brandon. He is the sweetest guy I’ve ever known, and he’s been there for me consistently my entire life. We’ve now been together for two years now and I’ve never been happier.” Rachel Paulson, a senior at the WB Carey school at ASU commented on the topic, “I think girls who go for the bad boys are straight ignorant. All I ever see is them crying about their boyfriend every other day… I mean who would want to put themselves through that kind of mistreatment?” These two girls had very good points about a woman’s natural attraction to the “bad boy,” although Jackie Jamieson, a 32 year old nurse practitioner, almost ruined her life to be with her “bad boy.” Jackie commented, “I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. Jim mistreated me for years, and I ruined my relationship with my friends and my family to stay with this horrible man because I wasn’t strong enough to speak up for myself. I didn’t think I deserved any better. After being with Jim for eleven years, I met a man named Dave at the coffee shop down the street, and instantly I felt like for the first time in 11 years I could breathe. He was my breath of fresh air and my new beginning. He gave me the strength to leave Jim, and now I have a loving family, a great relationship with my family, many friends, and a husband who treats me like a princess every day of my life.” These are only a few examples as to why nice guys do not finish last, they just might have to stay in the race a bit longer.

Being a nice guy is always the way to go, because nice guys end up with the nice girls, and therefore good, strong marriages are created. And that is how happily ever afters occur. Just hang in there guys, you’re time is coming!

Check out this great video which talks about all the many reasons as to why it’s better to be a “nice guy” then anything else.