Cheating; where do I go from here?

Cheating. We have all been in this situation, whether we are the one getting cheated on, the one who is cheating, or even just a friend of the couple it is happening to. In no way is this a situation that is enjoyable. The worst part is it seems that cheating is becoming more and more common. The one, most common question that stems from this subject is: “What do I do?” Now getting cheated on is arguably one of the worst things in life that can happen to you. If you think about it, getting cheated on sucks. You commit and give your significant other all your love for them to basically destroy you, and that’s what love is: giving someone the ability to destroy you and trusting them not to. So when your boyfriend/girlfriend does destroy you, you have no idea what to do or where to go. Well there is an array of things you can do.

Courtesy of ArtByRetta’s Flickr Profile.

First things first, you need to make sure you’re being cheated on. Check out this video that gives you the sure tell signs that you’re being cheated on.

Once you know you’ve been cheated on for sure, you can go down the “trust nobody” path and forever be victimized by the situation, or you can grow from it. Matthew Guevara, a sophomore at ASU, was dating his girlfriend for five and a half years. When he found out that she had cheated on him after all that time, he ended things right away, although his perspective on things were quite different. Guevara said, ” I tried not to take this in a negative manner. She made the mistake, and I did nothing wrong. I’m taking this as an experience to learn from, and from now on I’ll know the signs, and I’ll know everything I need to avoid in a possible girlfriend.”

Matthew learned from his experience in a growing, mature manner. Although this isn’t always the case; Casey Lane, a junior at ASU, was cheated on as a senior in high school by her longtime boyfriend. She took it almost as extreme as you can; she went into a year long depression, didn’t talk to her friends, didn’t talk to her family, and failed her classes through two semesters. This is an extremely unhealthy route to take, but then again we all deal with situations in our own ways. Lane commented, ” I truly felt like my life was over. Yes, I was young, and so incredibly wrong, but I felt like I had nothing. I turned my back on the world, including my friends and family. Thank god my parents didn’t give up on me. I’m now back on the right path and as happy as can be.”

Yes, there are many different ways to deal with being cheated on, but here is a link that gives you a couple really helpful steps on how to move on after someone ha cheated on you.

Everyone is capable of absolutely anything. Everyone is capable of cheating, and it’s going to happen to you at least once or twice in your life. Men and woman both do it. Check out this news story by ABC News that talks about how women are just as capable of cheating as men.

Whether you’ve been cheated on, or you’re the one who did the cheating,that doesn’t make you a bad person. You made a mistake of either cheating, or being with someone who would do something like that. Life will go on, and you will meet someone that will make you so happy and treat you how you deserve to be treated. Just don’t give up on looking for them, even if you have a few bumps along the way.

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Do Online Dating Websites Make Me Desperate And Pathetic?

Twenty years ago, online dating websites were looked upon as lame, desperate, and a little bit creepy. Now a days, it’s one of the most popular and successful ways people find love. Although, it can be a bit tricky to decide exactly which website is right for you, and what type of image you want to create for yourself in your profile.

Courtesy of philipjbond’s flickr profile.

First of all, choosing the website will mainly just be what your preference is. Each website mainly offers the same type of thing, but sometimes they appeal to different ages, genders, interests, etc. Here is a good website that shows you a couple online dating services and a little about each of them. This website will hopefully make your choice a bit easier.

The next step is making your profile and choosing the image you want to portray. See, you will find people everywhere, no matter which website you’re on, exaggerating like crazy on their profiles. They lie, use a younger picture of themselves, and say they’re interested in things that they think their ideal partner may be looking for. Yeah, don’t do that. THAT is lame, desperate,  and pathetic. In your profile, be truthful. For example, men tend to lie most about their age, height, and income. Women tend to lie more about their weight, physical build, and age. You wouldn’t want to be lied to, so why do it to someone else?

Now I’m not saying you should write about every ticket you’ve received and every bad habit you possess, but your goal should be that if someone were to look at your profile, they would get a tiny glimpse of the real you. If your goal is to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, you want them to fall in love with you, not someone you wish you were.

Another tip for your profile, always put a picture. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re overweight, unattractive, etc, profiles with pictures get almost 100% more hits than those without. Cause let’s just be honest, it’s a bit sketch when you see a profile with no picture. It could really be absolutely anyone at that point. For more important tips like this one, check out this link that shares with you a couple more tips on how to be successful in the online dating world.

So you have the two major steps down, choosing the dating service that’s most beneficial for you, and how to make your profile. Now, if you’re still having trouble making your profile just how you want it, check out this video that explains to you exactly what you should and should not have in your personal profile.

Now if after all of these tips and advice, you’re still not successful in the online dating world, then maybe you’re better off sticking to face to face interactions. Either way, you’ll find that special someone, so have fun and good luck doing it!

You’ve just been dumped, what now?

Moving on from a breakup can be hard whether you were dating someone for three months, or three years. Also, everyone copes with them in different ways. Is there really a right way to deal with a break up? Yes, there is. Now yes, after a breakup you will feel heart broken, as if the rock holding your life together is now gone.  You may feel completely empty, but that will pass. You may feel lonely, and may have estranged from your friends a bit, but that too will pass. You’re just going through the natural phases of a break up, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of or worry about.

Courtesy of Jeannette E. Spaghetti’s Flickr profile.

To help you through the transition from “in a relationship” to “single,” there is a step by step process that has been proven quite useful  helping people get over breakups. First step and possibly the most important, when you’re analyzing the entire relationship, break up, and everything that happened in between, don’t obsess over it. All it will do is bring you pain and depression. Second step, reconnect with all of your friends, and keep yourself as busy as possible. Sitting in your house alone all day will only cause you to rethink your decision and that’s definitely not what you need. Step three, you’re going to go through the “hate phase” where you want to burn everything he/ she every gave you, delete his phone number, and run him over with your car. Don’t do that. Nothing good will come from that and it won’t make you feel any better. Instead, go for a run, go for a hike, go shopping with your friends; the main thing is to keep yourself busy. Step four, DO NOT CALL OR TEXT THEM. You’re going to want to text them and tell them how much you miss them and how much your life sucks without them, but you will just be making a fool out of yourself. Leave it alone, what happened happened and it happened for a reason. Step four, if you’re having a bit more trouble then usual getting over your ex, sit down and make a list as to why he/she was no good for you, and all of the reasons why you deserve better. Once you’re finished, hang it up somewhere you can see it every day. This is a good reminder to look at as you start your day. And step five, although you may be afraid of getting hurt, there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself back out there. Yes, you may not be looking for a relationship, but where does it say that just meeting new people and new friends is bad? Sometimes a new person entering your life, whether a friend or more, is just the breath of fresh air you need.

These are definitely not the only steps to getting over a breakup, and yes, they may or may not work for you, but if you follow them, hopefully your breakup will be a bit smoother and easier for you. Now these are obviously not the only things you can do to get over a breakup, check out this link to read about a couple other steps to get over a break up successfully.

Now if after reading those steps you still don’t feel as though you’ve been able to move on from your break up easier, check out this video to get another opinion on how to successfully get over a breakup.

Between all of these steps that have been shared with you today, moving on from your breakup will hopefully come just a little bit easier for you to do.

Ignoring perfection and choosing poison.

Even if perfection is right in front of you, why do you tend to go for what’s not good for you? This question has been asked so many times it shouldn’t be allowed to be asked any more. The whole term, “nice guys finish last” is clearly far from being true. Everyday you will hear men whining about  how they will never get the girl because they’re too nice, or they’re too good to her, or they’re stuck in the friend zone. They see their dream girl walking hand in hand with a tattooed, saggy panted, up to no good, trouble maker, and they’re only excuse is that it’s because they’re the nice guy, and nice guys never win. Honestly, that has absolutely nothing to do with it. Your dream girl is with another guy because you’re too busy whining about it instead of fighting to make her yours.

Courtesy of LZ Creation’s Flickr profile.

It’s all about communication. You’re stuck in the friend zone, but have you made an effort to move forward to the next level? The “nice guys” are usually the ones who are too afraid to express their feelings and leave everything out on the table. Now granted, this is not always the situation. Yes there are many times where the “nice guy” just has no chance with a girl… but honestly that has nothing to do with how nice you are. Maybe she’s just not that into you, or at least not that into you at this point in her life. Every girl goes through her “bad boy phase,” and to get through that phase, they have to be with a few losers for a little while to realize that they deserve better. This isn’t entirely a choice either, checkout this link to read about how scientifically, women will specifically pick sexier men over obviously more dependable men.

Although, the “bad boy” phase will go away. When woman are younger, they are attracted to danger, adventure, excitement, but most importantly, they are attracted to what they feel they can “fix” and “change.” Sadly, these men will never change, and these men will do nothing but disappoint you. Sooner or later, women will eventually realize that although being with those men may be fun and exhilarating, they are not the type of man to provide as a husband, and raise a family. They type of man a women wants to marry are the dependable, respectable men who will treat them right and be consistent. And these feelings do develop as a woman grows up. It’s called maturing.

Here is an interesting article explaining how it is possible to train yourself to be attracted to a what’s good for you.

To prove that these words you’re reading are not false information, a few people around the Phoenix area were asked about what type of attraction they had towards the opposite sex. Jordyn Thompson, a sophomore at ASU, said that she was very attracted to the “bad boy” type when she was in high school, “but once I went through my fair share of bad boys, heart break, and disappointment, I realized that my perfect man had been in front of my eyes the entire time; my best friend Brandon. He is the sweetest guy I’ve ever known, and he’s been there for me consistently my entire life. We’ve now been together for two years now and I’ve never been happier.” Rachel Paulson, a senior at the WB Carey school at ASU commented on the topic, “I think girls who go for the bad boys are straight ignorant. All I ever see is them crying about their boyfriend every other day… I mean who would want to put themselves through that kind of mistreatment?” These two girls had very good points about a woman’s natural attraction to the “bad boy,” although Jackie Jamieson, a 32 year old nurse practitioner, almost ruined her life to be with her “bad boy.” Jackie commented, “I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. Jim mistreated me for years, and I ruined my relationship with my friends and my family to stay with this horrible man because I wasn’t strong enough to speak up for myself. I didn’t think I deserved any better. After being with Jim for eleven years, I met a man named Dave at the coffee shop down the street, and instantly I felt like for the first time in 11 years I could breathe. He was my breath of fresh air and my new beginning. He gave me the strength to leave Jim, and now I have a loving family, a great relationship with my family, many friends, and a husband who treats me like a princess every day of my life.” These are only a few examples as to why nice guys do not finish last, they just might have to stay in the race a bit longer.

Being a nice guy is always the way to go, because nice guys end up with the nice girls, and therefore good, strong marriages are created. And that is how happily ever afters occur. Just hang in there guys, you’re time is coming!

Check out this great video which talks about all the many reasons as to why it’s better to be a “nice guy” then anything else.

 

Love Knows No Distance

Long distance relationships are not easy. They are a lot of work, and honestly, if you are not in it 100%, it won’t work out for you. There are so many beautiful relationships out there that started out long distance, who are now married with a happy family. Although the struggle to make it through those years is anything but easy. Emilee Lee and Evan Shine, a couple who have been in a LDR for almost two years now, definitely have had their problems. When asked about their relationship, Emilee exclaimed, “It definitely has not been the easiest road to take. With me being in Arizona and Evan being in California, we only get to see each other once every month or so. I mean sure we talk on the phone and text every day, but not being with him is the hardest thing

Courtesy of Dvortygirl’s Flickr Profile

I’ve ever had to do. Although after we get through this together, I know that we will be able to get through anything.” When asked about their relationship and how they make it work, Evan relied, ” Honestly it’s all about communication and making sure you make time for each other every day. We went from seeing each other every single day, to seeing one other once a month if we’re lucky. I mean yeah it’s definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I love her with all my heart, and if getting through this means one day I’ll be able to make her my wife, then it’s worth every second of it.”

Couples like Emilee and Evan are a perfect example of a couple that is most likely going to make it through their period of LDR. They make sure to make time for each other everyday, they make time to still remain social among their friends, and they make plans as to when they will see each other the next time. Those three things are crucial with making a LDR work. Check out this link to read about the 12 most important steps to surviving a long distance relationship.

There are many people that put long distance relationships down. These people will tell you that they have no chance and they rarely ever work. Well here are some statistics that show otherwise.

Everyone has their own opinions on LDR’s, if you don’t love someone enough then they obviously won’t work for you, which is understandable. They’re not for everyone. Although, Jesse Adams, a dentist in Chandler, Arizona, is another proven case that LDR’s can have a happy ending. He and his wife Jen of 27 years, started dating their senior year of high school, and then Jen went to UCLA while Jesse went to NYU. They were determined to make their relationship work because they knew that they had found the one. They made plans to see each other throughout the next four years, made sure they stayed actively involved in each other’s lives, and they remained open and positive about the situation. When asked about his relationship with Jen in the beginning, Jesse said, “It was so hard throughout those four years, sometimes we would only get to see each other once every four months. Although I knew it was worth it, and so after we graduated, I moved to california with her and proposed a year later. We are now happily married with a 19 year old and a 16 year old.”

Here are only a few examples of successful LDR’s, and there are so many more. If you are attempting t make a long distance relationship work, then always remember the few basic steps and tips to survive the time you are apart form each other. If the last two links weren’t enough information for you, check out this humorous video that goes over the guide to a successful long distance relationship one more time.

If you have any questions or want a little bit more information on long distance relationships, leave your comment below or email me at rcoukoul@asu.edu.

How Do I Make Sure I Don’t Die Alone With 23 Cats?

If you’re one of those people who complain about how you’re going to die alone with only cats by your side, stop. That could not be farther from the truth.  If there’s only one thing you take away from this blog of mine, let it be that there is someone out there for everyone. No matter who you are, there is someone out there waiting to love you. There is someone out there waiting to share his or her life with you.

Courtesy of Candida Performa’s Flickr profile.

So today’s lesson is going to be a bit different from how the rest are going to go. Usually, I’d give you helpful tips on how to keep your relationship a happy ever after, and focus on daily little things you can do for your significant other to keep your relationship new and exciting.  Although today, I’m focusing on the best advice I could ever give you; you have a soul mate out there waiting for you and it’s your job to be open to finding him/her. No matter how old you are, no matter what you look like, and most importantly no matter what you may think you deserve, no one was put on this earth to be alone. Everyone deserves to grow old with the person they love and have their own little happily every after.

Now I know now days, sadly, the divorce rate is so high that sometimes it seems as if the world has forgotten the beautiful significance of marriage, and everything it stands for.  Don’t be fooled, that “say I do until death do us part” kind of love still exists. I’ve seen it first hand. My grandparents have been married for 62 years now; they met when they were twelve years old, and now both coming up on the age of 80, they are still as in love today as they were the day the met. I asked my grandma the most important advice she could give me on how to live the happiest life possible, and she replied,“Darling, the most important thing you can do with your life is find the person you love, no matter how long it may take, and share your life with them. You’ll become one together. And besides, there is nothing better than sitting on your porch, staring at the man you love across the table, and 68 years later he still looks at you as if you’re the most breathtaking thing he’s ever laid his eyes on.”

I think that’s the love everyone dreams of having, and everyone has that special someone out there waiting to tell you you’re beautiful from across the table 68 years from now.

Now although I didn’t touch on this subject much today, if you have a few extra minutes to spare today, check out this video, which will show you step by step how to make a romantic coupon book for your significant other. It’s a cute homemade little gift that’s perfect for a small occasion, or absolutely no occasion at all. You’re coupons can be anywhere from “I will make you one free dinner and dessert of your choice,” to “This is good for one weekend away to anywhere of your desire.” You can make your coupons as personal as you’d like. I’ve personally made a coupon book for my boyfriend for valentines day one year, and he was so excited and used up all of the coupons within a month! The coupon book is an adorable little gift that will make your significant other know you’re always thinking of them.